IVF Part 10: Miscarriage

I have not been on here in over a week I apologize for that. This weeks has been a really a tough week for our family. After all the IVF treatments, medications, and ultrasounds we made it to 6 weeks 2 days and then baby stopped developing and died. I wanted to share this with you because you all have followed me through this whole process from beginning to the end. You have give such great support through all of this! THANK YOU!

Writing it out might help me too along with others that might be going through the same thing.

So let me tell you what happened to me. *** WARNING parts are somewhat graphic***

Thursday we went in for the ultrasound to see the heartbeat we should have been 7 weeks. The baby measured 6 weeks 2 days and there was no heartbeat.

Our Dr said that he was 99% sure that there was no heartbeat but we need to go to another DR for a second opinion just to be on the safe side.

We had to wait over night to get in which was awful but we made it.  The Dr there said they do not see a heartbeat but wanted me to wait 7 to 10 days to have another u/s. I just lost it. There is no way that I could handle all the pregnancy symptoms for another 10 days if i already lost the baby.  They said they just wanted to be sure!

So I called my fertility DR to see what he said to that. He said NO! That is not right. They are just CYA and it is bull. He knows it is not a viable pregnancy and I need to call my OB to set up an appointment for a D&C or to take the miscarry drugs.  We could not get in there until Monday (it was Friday).

Friday night I started to spot and that lasted all weekend. Monday I was in a great amount of pain by the time I got to the OB.  She said it is my choice if I want the D&C or take the pill. I opted for the D&C because I could not handle the pain (physically and mentally).  She was not sure if I was going to be able to get in that day or not.  After a few minutes she came back in and said she got me in (thanks be to God) .

I got to the hospital and started to miscarry there. It was a good thing I got to the hospital because within 45 minutes I bled through 5 pads. Apparently I was hemorrhaging. BOY did they move fast then. I got to pre-op within a minute and had me changed and on the bed within 5 minutes.

Neck 5 days later

Arm 5 days later

They had to get a IV in but could not find a vein on me. After about 10 tries and 3 people later (including the anesthesiologist) they got it in my neck. The anesthesiologist said she could not toucher me anymore and would find a better vein when I go to sleep.

The OB DR that did the D&C was the kindest DR I have even been to (and I have been to a few DR in my life). He was a God send. I needed someone like him. He help my hand while they tried to get a vein and was joking with me to get me to laugh. I am truly thankful for him! He was in the right spot at the right time for me.

So now that it is done how am I doing now 4 days after the surgery?
Sad
angry
crying
upset
and sometimes OK (yeah just OK)

Sad for the loss of our sweet baby

Angry that the baby died and wonder why God let the pregnancy happen then take it back I don’t understand that but I know there is a purpose. I trust God’s will even if I am angry about this.

Crying for a loss of a little one that I never got to know.

Upset that I will be crying and sad long after everyone else will be going on with their life and think I am “OK” because I am acting “normal”.

OK at times just because I have to “return to sender” my emotions sometimes (I am no good at emotions I am terrible at showing them).

So there you go! Please hang in here with me as I go through this. I might post a couple times on this! Thank you for following me and all the positive comments you have given to me in the past and the ones in the future!